i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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