you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
