Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
