it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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