I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
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Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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