i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
