Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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