I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize