I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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