apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
