Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!