She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
