so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
