i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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