Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
