2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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