it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
