got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
