Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize