Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
