i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
