when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
