TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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