She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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