dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
