she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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