I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
