this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
