Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
