I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
