areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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