Apparently you make a good broom.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
