eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
should my penis look like a turkey
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
