I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
