A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I currently don't understand fingers.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
