Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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