Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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