Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
