My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
