Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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