real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
