i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
