im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
