we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
