I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's official drugs can't kill me
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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