we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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