Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
