you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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