need another drink. this is the easiest way
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize