I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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