new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
