I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
