they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
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There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
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Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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