Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
