Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
