i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
