There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
