Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
