I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
