the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
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His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
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I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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