my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
