My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I believe in your delicious
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
