Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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