My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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