literally had 100 drinks last night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
