is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
