I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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