I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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