Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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