eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
