Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
