at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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