Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
